ABC: Always Be Confetti Cannon

Huge news! I have a new play premiering! In Miami! Florida! This week!

Short story: My play Human Resources, is running from June 4-28 as part of City Theatre’s 20th Anniversary Summer Shorts FestivalI know, right?!

Photo by George Schiavone. Pictured, l to r, Michael Uribe, Bechir Sylvain, Tom Wahl, Karen Stephens, Elizabeth Dimon and Chasity Hart in City Theatre's 2015 Summer Shorts production of R. Eric Thomas' Human Resources.
Photo by George Schiavone. Pictured, l to r, Michael Uribe, Bechir Sylvain, Tom Wahl, Karen Stephens, Elizabeth Dimon and Chasity Hart in City Theatre’s 2015 Summer Shorts production of R. Eric Thomas’ Human Resources.

THAT IS A PICTURE OF THE CAST OF A PLAY I WROTE. SOME OF THEM ARE PUPPETS. GIRL I CAN’T EVEN.

excited_golden_girls2
My reaction. To everything.

Wait, lemme explain.

Okay, so on the day after my birthday in April, Susi Westfall, co-founder of the City Theatre called me and was like “Girl, are you sitting down? We’re going to produce and publish your play! It’s running all month! Tell the world!”

And, I know what you’re thinking, How dis dude find out about this news in April and he’s only just now telling the world about it? I’m hella late, I know. But you know what they say about lateness:

pregnant

And I am definitely not pregnant!

More good news!

gaything

So, backstory: last year I wrote a short play called When You Put It Like That It Just Sounds Ridiculous, about a transgender woman’s first foray into dating after transitioning. It was named a finalist in for City Theatre’s National Award for Short Playwriting.

I flew down to Miami, stayed in this AMAZING hotel overlooking Governor’s Island (where, my Uber driver told me, Madonna lives. And some dude named George Bush), and attended City Theatre’s CityWright’s conference, a 4-day playwriting bonanza. CityWrights is fantastic. It’s a professional weekend for playwrights dedicated to creating a safe, invigorating, and challenging space to ask the big questions, create work, increase your network, and enjoy yourself at one of the most luxurious hotels in Miami, the Epic.

The view from my hotel room.
The view from my hotel room.

They gave me a lovely certificate, were extraordinarily hospitable, and hired actors to do a public reading my play along with the plays of some of the other finalists at the end of the conference.

It doesn’t get better than this, I thought.

angels

I was wrong, girl!

During one of the conference’s morning writing sessions, Michael Bigelow Dixon gave us a prompt wherein we had to write a short scene between two people. He then had us rewrite the scene multiple times, each time introducing a concept that wrenched the scene from the grips of realism.

It was tough for me because I’m basically trying to write the terrible gay version of every Arthur Miller play ever and then sit back and count my millions. (You haven’t lived until you’ve seen Death of a Salesman performed in a Sephora. “You don’t just eat the fruit and throw away the rind! You don’t eat the fruit at all because we’re doing low-carb this month. WE’VE BEEN OVER THIS, DYLAN.”)

Anyway, that exercise sparked the idea for Human Resources. It’s basically Glengarry Glen Ross meets The Muppet Show.

An office comedy. With puppets.

Ummm, I'm gonna need you to go ahead come in tomorrow. So if you could be here around 9 that would be great, mmmk... oh oh! and I almost forgot ahh, I'm also gonna need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday too, kay. We ahh lost some people this week and ah, we sorta need to play catch up...
Ummm, I’m gonna need you to go ahead come in tomorrow. So if you could be here around 9 that would be great, mmmk… oh oh! and I almost forgot ahh, I’m also gonna need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday too, kay. We ahh lost some people this week and ah, we sorta need to play catch up…

I’m obsessed with the tyranny of the modern office. I think it’s hilarious when people leave passive-aggressive notes on their lunches, or when Gene from Accounting gets mad at you for not buying Girl Scouts cookies from him, or when Paula from HR gives you a stern talking to about your habit of coming in 3 minutes late. And when I say hilarious, I mean, terrible and soul-sucking, but in a funny way. The only thing that would make an office a more malevolently funny place, I thought, would be if the anarchy of the Muppets was given free reign. So, that’s what I wrote.

And they liked it!

Human Resources was named a finalist for the 2015 National Award for Short Playwriting and was one of the nine plays picked for the month-long Summer Shorts Festival!

Here’s that GIF again because it’s basically my whole life.

excited_golden_girls2

As if that wasn’t awesome enough, they also asked me to sit on a panel at the CityWrights conference. A PANEL! The only thing I like more than having my plays produced is sitting behind tables in hotel conference rooms and giving my opinion!

Of course, I said yes. After sending down my contract rider.

beyonce

You gotta know your brand, girl.

Anyway, I can’t wait to get back to Miami at the end of the month! I’m going back to the CityWrights conference, where Marsha Norman is the keynote speaker! I’m going to see literally every performance of my play that I can over a 4-day weekend! I am going to eat SO MANY CUBANO SANDWICHES.

food police

I am also going to do two things I didn’t do last time I was in Miami: 1) I’m going to stay in the less expensive conference hotel (because mama’s been buying a lot of tank tops on JackThreads and money is TIGHT, girl). 2) I’m actually going to see the beach. I went to South Beach before but when my Uber driver dropped me off, I looked at the dunes and was like Ugh, I hate mountain climbing and went to a piano bar instead.

beach

So, that’s that. I’m super pumped about the whole thing. If you happen to be in Miami, you can see Human Resources from June 4-28 at the Carnival Studio Theater at the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts of Miami-Dade County. Tickets are available here. If you go, HOLLA ATCHA BOY! (I don’t know what that means, but I presume it means “Write an glowing review, Christopher Isherwood!”)

So, to summarize:

MIAMI

PUPPETS

TYRANNY

CONFETTI CANNON

BEYONCE

waldorf and statler

…I mean, really. His name is Willie and his sons are named Biff and Happy. The gay jokes just write themselves…

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One thought on “ABC: Always Be Confetti Cannon

  1. I’m a little sad about the part of my life that happened before I discovered you.
    (I was procrastinating my own playwriting tasks and stumbled upon your blog.)
    But I’m happy about what the future holds.

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