7 Things That Happen When All Your Friends Are At The Beach

Bad news from my orthopedic surgeon, guys. He says I have FOMO. It stands for Fear of Missing Out. My orthopedic surgeon has a lot of opinions about my social life. And my left knee. But who the hell cares about being able to walk when everyone is hanging out without you?

be-my-friend
 It’s devastating. You think you’re invincible. “I’m young, I take care of myself,” you say. “I pay my tithe to multiple gymnasia. I get Retweeted on the regular. I keep it 100. It can’t happen to me.” I’m here to tell you that it can! FOMO is no respecter of persons, chile! It’ll get you. I appreciate your support. I’m setting up a GoFundMe but in the meantime you can just PayPal me directly.

 

This is a new epidemic. I’m here to raise awareness (and funds. See: PayPal, above). But if you’re over there suffering in silence, I’m here to tell you you’re not alone. Let’s go through this together.

 

7 Things That Happen When All Your Friends Are At The Beach (And Your Carrie Bradshaw Ass Is Still In The City)

1. Realization

2:30 on the Friday of a 3-day weekend rolls around and you’re all kinds of pumped because your office is closing at 3 and you just figured out how to fix the formula in an Excel spreadsheet. Both are equally exciting to you. All of the sudden, your Facebook feed fills up with pictures of your friends in traffic, wearing jaunty hats, laughing. It’s happened. These bitches took the day off and now…

maxresdefault

THEY’RE GONE.

cantbelieve

1.5. Denial

nogodpleaseno

 

 

 

Maybe these are just #FBF posts. They’re not really at the beach.

You rush outside. Surely they haven’t all deserted you.

desertedcity
Me, in real life.

 

kidding me

2. Acceptance

newyorkonbed

And by “Acceptance” I mean, “Sitting quietly and flooding the room with negativity.”

3. Reading

You pick up that copy of Gone Girl, you’ve been meaning to finish. I wonder if Ben Affleck really gone’d that girl, you muse, as you peel back the pages–

LOLOL, just kidding. I mean Reading Everyone for Filth.

Your friends start uploading pictures of themselves on the beach…

feelingmyself…and you go to work.

tryingme

 

“My, it’s so brave of you to choose such a skimpy suit…”Im-Shocked-gif

“A photo of everyone jumping on the beach…”

jumpingoriginal
This meme has a grammatical error and it’s really fucking up my life right now, tbqh.

“Oh, Matthew, brought a ‘friend’…”dowager

 

4. Blogging

goinginmyblog

That feels better, right?

…right?

cryingwhiletyping

 5. Reaching Out

newphone

 6. Coping

dominos

graceandfrankie

coping

7. Just Going to the Fucking Beach

coming

BONUS: 3 Things That Happen When You Actually Go To The Beach

1.

Ugh-People

2.

suntoobright

3.

newyorkonbed

 

 

I used to blog at ijusthaveafewnotes.com so if you want to read more, try there!

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